i remembered feeling uncomfortable about it. and now i know why i din wanna go. i know how awkward its gonna be. i know how extra id feel. i know that because im not part of it. and i know when you're not part of it, it feels weird being amongst pple who are. and i remember getting pissed off by that arrangement. i remember how he thinks nothing of just "asking/bringing" along some pple. i know to him it doesnt matter since we know at least a bit of each other. but he doesnt know. doesnt know the feeling of alienation. like you walked in on a secret meeting your frens are holding dat excludes you.

yes. alienation. and awkwardness.
i want to feel comfortable. not having to watch my back the whole time.
dats why i think... i will find an alternative.
hope you understand.